Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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