I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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