I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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