my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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