Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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