after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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