call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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