the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize