batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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