Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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