I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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