SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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