Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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