it hurts more in the daytime
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize