if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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