I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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