i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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