Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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