he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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