so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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