Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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