You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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