I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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