I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
