Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize