How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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