can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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