I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
