I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize