Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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