Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize