Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize