Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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