things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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