All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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