Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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