Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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