You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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