3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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