Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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