That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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