well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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