tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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