i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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