there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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