does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize