He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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