woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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