we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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