Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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