I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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