His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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