I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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